Almost 40
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2025-04-27

I will soon become 40 years old based on Islamic/Javanese calendar. The age of 40 is a special age mentioned in the Quran 46:15.

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We have enjoined upon man kindness to his parents. His mother carried him with difficulty, and delivered him with difficulty. His bearing and weaning takes thirty months. Until, when he has attained his maturity, and has reached forty years, he says, “Lord, enable me to appreciate the blessings You have bestowed upon me and upon my parents, and to act with righteousness, pleasing You. And improve my children for me. I have sincerely repented to You, and I am of those who have surrendered.”
(Quran 46:15)
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Some non-mainstream Islamic thinkers believe that the age of 40 is the start of human responsibility in front of Allah. While I don't share this believe, I find this thinking is helpful to ease my regrets of almost 40 years living a regretful life. It was a "training" before I live the real life after 40.

It wasn't a bad life, actually. I'm grateful for what I've got in my life: parents, wife, house, children, job, friends, knowledge, but I'm haunted by my own failure and my carelessness toward people who support me. I've disappointed so many people, and for all of those sins I repent.

Allah, please guide me.